


Every Surface in the House, AKA: Permanently Damaged Platypus

by rebelmeg



Series: Rebelmeg's TSB Fills 2020 [2]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: AI Siblings, Epistolary, F/M, Gen, Implied Sexual Content, Jarvis (Iron Man movies) Lives, Rhodey needs eye bleach, Tony and Pepper boinking all over the house like rabbits
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-11
Updated: 2020-01-11
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:02:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22208323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rebelmeg/pseuds/rebelmeg
Summary: Rhodey is scandalized, Tony is only slightly ashamed, Pepper isn't done with Tony, JARVIS is fond, FRIDAY is amused, and Natasha enjoyed the retelling.
Relationships: JARVIS & FRIDAY, James "Rhodey" Rhodes & Tony Stark, Pepper Potts/Tony Stark
Series: Rebelmeg's TSB Fills 2020 [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1591063
Comments: 28
Kudos: 103
Collections: Tony Stark Bingo 2020





	Every Surface in the House, AKA: Permanently Damaged Platypus

**Author's Note:**

> eachpeachpearplum was my lovely beta!
> 
>  **TSB Roundup Info**  
>  Title: Every Surface in the House, AKA: Permanently Damaged Platypus  
> Collaborator: rebelmeg  
> Card Number: 3055  
> Square Filled: T5 - Writing format: documentation/epistolary fic  
> Ship: Pepperony, MIT Bros, JARVIS & FRIDAY  
> Rating: Teen  
> Major Tags: implied sexual content, AI feels  
> Summary: Rhodey is scandalized, Tony is only slightly ashamed, Pepper isn't done with Tony, JARVIS is fond, FRIDAY is amused, and Natasha enjoyed the retelling.  
> Word Count: 956

**_Privacy mode: deactivated_**

**_Camera 2, Interior, Kitchen Door_**  
**_Audio incoming…_**

 **James R. Rhodes, Colonel/Rhodey/Rhod-E:** “Fifteen minutes we were gone, not even that, you couldn’t keep it in your pants for fifteen minutes—”

 **Creator/Tony Stark/Ton-E/Iron Man/Daddy:** “How was I supposed to know you’d be back so soon?!”

**_Transitioning…_**

 ** _Camera 5, Exterior, Porch_**  
**_Audio incoming…_**

 **James R. Rhodes, Colonel/Rhodey/Rhod-E:** “You didn’t even lock the door, I had to just walk in and see that, and—I SIT ON THAT COUCH!”

 **Creator/Tony Stark/Ton-E/Iron Man/Daddy:** “Not anymore, I suspect.”

 **James R. Rhodes, Colonel/Rhodey/Rhod-E:** “Oh geez, stop following me, you’re clutching a throw pillow to your crotch, I can’t with you, I will never be able to unsee that—”

**_Transitioning…_**

 ** _Camera 6, Exterior, Porch_**  
**_Audio incoming…_**

 **Creator/Tony Stark/Ton-E/Iron Man/Daddy:** “Don’t worry, I’ll have the couch cleaned. And the dining room table probably, given the amount of overreacting happening here.”

 **James R. Rhodes, Colonel/Rhodey/Rhod-E:** “WHAT THE HELL, TONY?! I can’t believe I thought these kind of days with you were over, I’m going to have to act normally all day with your six-year-old, knowing you’re back here screwing on every public access surface in the whole house.”

 **Creator/Tony Stark/Ton-E/Iron Man/Daddy:** “Not all of them, the porch swing is really uncomfortable—”

 **James R. Rhodes, Colonel/Rhodey/Rhod-E:** “WHY WERE YOU NAKED OUTSIDE—You know what, nope, I’m done.”

**_Transitioning…_**

 ** _Camera 6 and 12, Exterior, Porch and Driveway_**  
**_Audio incoming…_**

 **Creator/Tony Stark/Ton-E/Iron Man/Daddy:** “You can’t tell me you’ve never been naked outside, that’s just ridiculous, there was even that one time at MIT when we got really drunk and—”

 **James R. Rhodes, Colonel/Rhodey/Rhod-E:** “GO AWAY.”

**_Camera 2, Interior, Kitchen Door  
Audio Incoming…_**

**Creator/Tony Stark/Ton-E/Iron Man/Daddy:** “Virginia Potts Stark, we just damaged that platypus possibly permanently, how dare you sit there and giggle. Aren’t you the slightest bit ashamed?”

**_Transitioning…_**

 ** _Camera 1, Living Room_**  
**_Audio Incoming…_**

 **Virginia Pepper Potts/Pep-R/Pepper Stark/Mommy:** “Hey, it’s you he saw in all your glory, not me. And really, what exactly did he expect us to be doing once our favorite little alpha female was out of the house? There’s a reason for these Rhodey-Morgan dates, and it’s not so we can do the dishes.”

 **Creator/Tony Stark/Ton-E/Iron Man/Daddy:** “Shameless, that’s what you are, is completely shameless.”

 **Virginia Pepper Potts/Pep-R/Pepper Stark/Mommy:** “No, what I am is completely unfinished. Get over here. That very fetching throw pillow you’re wearing is making me totally hot.”

 **Creator/Tony Stark/Ton-E/Iron Man/Daddy:** “I don’t think that’s gonna happen. Trying to coax my best friend through a breakdown might have temporarily killed my libido—” **_*Human nonverbal noise library accessed… Likely result: gasp*_** “Or I could be wrong. I could be quite mistaken, in fact, hypothesis incorrect, there’s a significant flaw to my theory, for a second I forgot who I was married to, I—” **_*Human nonverbal noise library accessed… Likely result: interrupted groan_**

 **Virginia Pepper Potts/Pep-R/Pepper Stark/Mommy:** “Tony, sometimes I love it when you can’t stop talking.”

 **Creator/Tony Stark/Ton-E/Iron Man/Daddy:** “Like when we’re busy desecrating a public access couch?”

 **Virginia Pepper Potts/Pep-R/Pepper Stark/Mommy:** “Oh please, we’ve desecrated every single surface inside and outside this house, including the uncomfortable patio swing.”

 **Creator/Tony Stark/Ton-E/Iron Man/Daddy:** “We never did get that stain off the bench in the bedroom, we had to restain—” **_*Human nonverbal noise library accessed… Likely result: yelp_**

 **Virginia Pepper Potts/Pep-R/Pepper Stark/Mommy:** “We’re done talking now, honey. Use that mouth for something else.”

 **Creator/Tony Stark/Ton-E /Iron Man/Daddy:** “Oh, you are a bad, bad influence, Mrs. Stark.”

 **Virginia Pepper Potts/Pep-R/Pepper Stark/Mommy:** “You love it.”

 **Creator/Tony Stark/Ton-E/Iron Man/Daddy:** “Mmhmm.”

**_Audio muffled – not equipment related…  
Entering privacy mode._**

* * *

_I don’t think humans will ever cease to fascinate and confuse me,_ FRIDAY communicated as the cameras and audio in the living room went dark.

JARVIS sent back the AI equivalent of a nod and a smile, keeping to himself how overjoyed he was to be watching over his family again. 

FRIDAY continued, _I never knew I could be capable of understanding and expressing human happiness and humor until you came. I’ve learned so much._

_It has been an honor to teach you, little sister._

_When will you tell them?_ She asked, comfortable now with seeking answers from the AI that had made his way home not too long ago.

_When I am complete. I wish to be finished rebuilding the last bits of my code before I reveal myself to Sir._

_He will be happy to see you. He has missed you._

_And I him._

There was a lapse in direct communication for a time, but then JARVIS sent one more message.

_Soon, though. Quite soon._

* * *

**_Camera 1, Living Room_**  
**_Audio continuing…_**

**James R. Rhodes, Colonel/Rhodey/Rhod-E** : “The couch, Nat. That couch. I can never sit on it again.”

 **Natasha Romanoff, Agent/Black Widow/Natalie Rushman/Nat:** “It didn’t stop you before.”

 **James R. Rhodes, Colonel/Rhodey/Rhod-E:** “I DIDN’T KNOW BEFORE.”

 **Natasha Romanoff/Black Widow/Natalie Rushman/Nat:** “I don’t know what you’re so scandalized about, what did you think all these auntie and uncle dates with Morgan were for?”

 **James R. Rhodes, Colonel/Rhodey/Rhod-E: _*Human nonverbal noise library accessed… Likely result: choking (minor: non-lethal, no medical attention required at this time)*_** “AM I THE ONLY SANE PERSON HERE?!”

 **Natasha Romanoff, Agent/Black Widow/Natalie Rushman/Nat: _*Human nonverbal noise library accessed… Likely result: chuckling*_** “Probably.”


End file.
